OT - Etiquette question

[Gams]

If you accept a dinner invitation to someone’s house (that you don’t know well) and then find out they are cooking something you don’t eat, is it better to contact them and tell them something came up and you can’t make it after all or contact them and tell them that while you don’t eat steak, you’d love to just come over and socialize? Neither option sounds quite right but I haven’t been to anyone’s house for dinner in years - when I have met up with people it’s been at a restaurant so I could order what I wanted.

[buffmama]

I think it depends on if other people are going to be there. In a large gathering I wouldn't necessarily say anything but would eat something before hand and/or bring a dish to share that you would eat. If it's just you, I would say something. If you're comfortable eating the rest of the food do that. You can always say how good the ___ is and eat more of it. But I would certainly go. If you approach it from the point of building your friendship however you handle it should work.

[Kathy G]

I would still go. They will probably have side dishes you can eat. Or you can take a nice salad or side dish that you like just in case. When they ask you how you would like your steak cooked, you can decline and take a pass.

I think the opportunity to socialize and get to know others is awesome! Hope you enjoy!

[bzar]

Originally Posted by buffmama

I think it depends on if other people are going to be there. In a large gathering I wouldn't necessarily say anything but would eat something before hand and/or bring a dish to share that you would eat. If it's just you, I would say something. If you're comfortable eating the rest of the food do that. You can always say how good the ___ is and eat more of it. But I would certainly go. If you approach it from the point of building your friendship however you handle it should work.

this is what i was thinking - ditto.

Originally Posted by Kathy G

Or you can take a nice salad or side dish that you like just in case.

this depends. if it's a formal dinner or if there's few people, I have read* that some hosts get really offended. i'm not like that (in case i ever invite you guys to my house!). my SIL once brought something to someone's house, and the host didn't serve it - left it on the counter in the kitchen. hard to tell if she simply forgot, but my SIL never forgot that! that host was a very picky person too.

*read these in newspaper advice columns.

the one about eating beforehand that buffmama suggested is extremely good, and a good strategy if you are going to any place where you are tempted to pig out or deviate from your diet!

[Vintage VFer]

Gams, you've gotten some great advice.

I think that sometimes the host/hostess of meal events need some etiquette advice. I have gone to more food-related events recently and I am kind of surprised at the comments I get. Folks feel perfectly free to comment on what I'm eating, how much I'm eating, what I'm not eating and how come? {rolleyes}

It's especially bad if it's somebody's "special dish" that "everybody loves" and I don't want any. Yeah yeah I could have a spoonful but it's just so annoying that people get on my back about it.

Nobody should have to explain in detail their dietary likes and dislikes. A quick mention should suffice if pressed.

I consider it bad manners to badger somebody to eat something they don't want to.

Whoopsie, LOL, this turned into a rant!

[Gams]

Yep - I’ve had people actually say to me, “It’s not going to kill you to try some.” I know it’s not going to kill me, but my parents could get away with telling me that when I was 7, but now that I’m in my 60’s I figure I’m old enough to decide for myself. I just don’t eat meat anymore and if I tell people that, I get rude comments about being one of “those” people. Even before I stopped eating meat, though, I hated steak.

[cataddict]

VVFer, I so agree! It’s the same people who say “oh, you are so thin, you could eat a piece of cake/pie/doughnut" or whatever it is. MYOB, people!

Gams, you have gotten some good advice. Maybe there are other people going since somehow you found out what they are serving or did the host tell you? I actually like your thought that you say “I don’t eat meat (or whatever the food is they are cooking”) but I would love to come and enjoy everyone’s company.” Or maybe ask if you should bring a dish—not asking because you don’t think their food is “good enough” but to contribute to the party?

I think that some people will be offended by whatever you do. That’s out of your control, unfortunately.

[JackieB]

My daughter and I are gluten free for health reasons, and on top of that my husband has a very serious diagnosis and is on a keto diet. My daughter in law has celiac disease.

I think with all the dietary restrictions, allergies, etc you certainly could ask if you could bring something, etc. It depends on the type of party, etc.

And sorry, but if my daughter in law eats gluten it is really life threatening. My husband is not going to eat any cake, cookies, dessert, sugar, anything carby. He IS fighting for his life. I doubt he will ever drink a drop of alcohol again.

[Joni O]

I read something somewhere not long ago that a person having a dinner party should ask if you have any dietary restrictions when they extend the invitation to you. Of course, who actually does that? I would eat before you go and just nibble while you're there.

I did that just last week at an "appetizers and cocktails" get-together over dinner hour (which I thought was strange). I ate enough beforehand to not be hungry enough to chow down on what I assumed would be a lot of snacky, junky food. Wrong! They changed their minds and served beef tenderloin and salad instead. Yup. Thanks for the heads up on that. :-(

Oh! And the hostess drank water and ate a few crackers during dinner (which I found very bizarre), so no need for me to worry about etiquette when just eating lettuce.

[Karla25]

Another option would be to cancel and invite them to lunch at a restaurant as your treat. While at the restaurant, you might slip into the conversation about your being a vegetarian so if they invite you over for future dinners they’ll know about your dietary preferences. ��