Classic VF humor: Workouts we'll never see

[Diavolobella]

Mammary Max - the all boob workout. Put your glands in Cathe's hands for a workout that gives "over the shoulder boulder holder" a new meaning. Comes with weighted nip clips for breast dips. In no time, you'll have the mightiest mammaries on the beach, tip top tatas and a rack that'll make 'em jump back!

J'amaica Him S'hutup - Richard Simmons takes vocal chord strengthening to a new decibel level in this exotic, tropical locale. See Richard take on the local parrots and cockatoos in a throw down screech contest to end all contests. See his voice wilt the maginificent island flora and fauna. See Richard hit new heights of shrillness when the locals finally tie him to a stake and barbeque him. Comes with jerk chicken sauce.

Nadia Comaneci's Lower Body Split - actually a comedy tape where Nadia hosts the most hilarious bloopers from men's gymnastics competitions.

[sapphirensilver]

i don't have any suggestions yet but I just have to chime in and say that this is the damn funniest thing I have seen in a long time.

[Karyn]

Originally posted by sapphirensilver
i don't have any suggestions yet but I just have to chime in and say that this is the damn funniest thing I have seen in a long time.

I have to agree

Karyn

[Messe]

Inspired by comments on the paper plate mystery thread:

Mindy brings you the first video that incorporates common and not so common household pets into your workout. Cats, dogs, birds, hamsters, gerbils, boa constrictors, and other animals are used to challenge every muscle group safely and effectively. Each background exerciser uses different animals for the same sets, ensuring that every animal owner will be able to use this exciting new workout. MIndy, of course, uses the most exotic and occasionally challenging animals. The warmup incorporates several different options for retrieving animals that may have figured out what's coming when they see the video cover, and veterinarians and animal caretakers from the San Diego Zoo give form pointers for the proper housing and handling of each animal during the workout to ensure its continuing health and well being (as well as yours).

This workout has been reviewed and approved without reservation by the ASPCA--Mindy wouldn't have it any other way!

[maebe]

Originally posted by Jillychilly
For the dramatic finale, you end it by shoving the defective fanny lifter where the good lord split them and then say "Delete This Punk!" Or "Ban this!"

Gives a whole NEW MEANING to FANNY LIFTER!!!!! I'm in line right behind you jill!!!!!!!

[Ellei]

Jennifer Kries will work you as never before. YOUR tastebuds
and kegal muscles will be uniquely challenged in this workout.

IT lenthens, strengthens and flows..hopefully you won't.
Drinking lattes while doing "THE HUNDRED" will definitely
challenge you, like never before.

This unique regimen, will help you build a new you;

The second session of this tape, shows flexibile Jennifer at
her best, doing the mermaid and then dipping down to
drink the frothy foam of her latte.

This is a great workout for anyone regardless of fitness level
or age. YOUR tastebuds and kegal muscles will thank you
or hate you.

~Ellei...this is a great thread! Cool idea to start it~

[Ellei]

You will feel inspired and creatively challenged, as you
perform asanas while doing arts n' crafts.

Downdog/up dog will challenge you like never before as
you paint a potrait or try to do needlepoint. YOUR neck
chakra will thank you, the light blue aura will stimulate you
like never before. Shoulderstand position while doing
embroidery, scrapbook while in the fish pose.

Art will take a spiritual turn as you simultaneously demonstrate
your skills. This workout is for those bored with art and willing
to try a new process. This is the next challenge, arts n' crafts
will be instrumental in enhancing your mood, while you unkink
your mind and body. Just don't knit and poke your eye out.


~Ellei

[Loretta S.]

Hey Yog-Art sounds right up my alley. I can knit while doing the standing poses and crochet in restoratives.

[Anne V]

Originally posted by Ellei
You will feel inspired and creatively challenged, as you
perform asanas while doing arts n' crafts.

Art will take a spiritual turn as you simultaneously demonstrate
your skills. This workout is for those bored with art and willing
to try a new process. This is the next challenge, arts n' crafts
will be instrumental in enhancing your mood, while you unkink
your mind and body. Just don't knit and poke your eye out.

~Ellei

Here's the scary thing...I've actually seen this class advertised. In fact, I think I sent the flyer to Lisa TV because I was so amused. To top it all off it was being taught by one of my neighbors!

Ok, maybe they switched back & forth between the arts & crafts and the yoga instead of being done simultaneously...

[dmhammy]

Denise Austin's New Catter Chatter. Do restorative and relaxing yoga poses with your cat while Denise continuely chatters throughout. It has a bonus blooper reel where the cat gets so fed up with the constant chatter that it scratches Denises eyes out.

As a bonus if you order within the next 15 minutes they'll include Jonathan Urla's and Denise's newest join release, Dogilates. Do the hundred while balancing your 40 pound pooch on your legs. Denise's 400,000 "good boys" and other encouraging and ethusiastic remarks should be enough encouragement for both you and you pooch to flatten both your abs and lengthen and tone your muscles. Rather you have a little fluff or not you will sculpt yourself and your poochy pie into great shape while enjoying both Urla's nearly nude (But great looking) form and Denise's syrupy sweet demeaner.

Dawn