This is timely, because I've really been having trouble with grief lately over the loss of my mom last October.
We were in the same kind of limbo as you, Sherry, when it came to planning the memorial. We also chose to do a Celebration of Life and did not do an immediate service/memorial. She also passed suddenly, and none of us was ready to do anything right away. We ended up having the celebration in January of this year. In some ways it felt wrong that we let so much time pass before doing anything, but in other ways, I still feel like we could have waited to plan something bigger/better. I think a lot of people wondered why we didn't do a funeral right away (and she was cremated so that timing wasn't an issue), but she wouldn't have wanted a somber setting in the local funeral home. All in all, it ended up being beautiful and many of the people closest to her were able to attend. But several people still couldn't make it because of their own Covid vulnerabilities, personal reasons, etc. We (my brother, sister and I) are no longer in touch with her brother - our uncle - anymore because of the way he and his wife dealt with the situation. Some people are only concerned with how other people can benefit them and my mom did not benefit them enough before she passed, even though she was the most unselfish person I've ever known.
I did feel a sense of relief and weight off of me - and I know my sister did as well - after the service because there had been so much apprehension about what we should do and was is right or good enough. But now, close to 1 year later, I still feel sad and/or angry every day. Some days more than others, but I've realized recently that my overall disposition has changed since she passed and I don't know how to move on past it and feel happy or unbothered by things like I used to. I don't know if it's because her death was so unexpected. It also didn't feel real for the longest time, especially because she had been in Ohio the past 2 years taking care of her parents (my grandfather passed away the year before) and sister. I think maybe it's sinking in more now that more time is passing.
Anyway, sorry to go off on a ramble. I just really want to say that grief is hard enough without having to worry about how everyone else is acting. When they act like jerks, it adds anger to the sadness in an already emotional time. I'm tired of being angry at jerks (and just random ones in my everyday life, as well, not just the ones I know) and I don't know how to keep myself from feeling anger. I guess it's part of the grieving process. But it sucks.
I'm really sorry you're going through this